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1 year ago with 7,759 notes, via zaynlannister, from llenka

stargatecrazy:

He always leaves you, doesn’t he? Alone in the dark. Never apologizes.

#the last gif #goddamn #that hurt #it’s soooooo stonecold #but he has to do it #to his best friend #HIS BEST FRIEND #who has been through hell #and suffered for decades #and he knows he has no choice but to subject her to more cruelty #but that’s the doctor #fun loving #but able to make the worst choices #and then an hour later he’s sticking his tongue out at younger!amy #pretending like nothing ever happened #but you know he goes into his room #or somewhere private #or maybe sticks around the TARDIS console after the Ponds leave #and just fucking cries his eyes out #and hates himself more than older!amy pond ever could


#OH MY GOD #PERFECT TAGS ARE PERFECT #I CAN'T EVEN WITH ELEVEN YOU GUYS #He breaks my heart so much #He's distant and manipulative and so unbelievably undeniably broken #In a completely different way than Nine and Ten were broken #Nine and Ten were broken from the war from killing their planet and their people #But Rose started to heal them - started to fix them aand she made them better #But when Ten lost Rose (he had to give her up to his meta-crisis; he knew that it was the best thing for them all) he lost it #He was so alone #No Donna no Rose no Martha - no one #And so he broke again but in a much different way #In a 'I've lived too long' sort of way and that's what Eleven is born out of #Eleven hates himself so much - hates everything that he's ever done even if he had to do them #The Doctor is the one who is forced to make all the hard decisions - the ones that everyone else wouldn't want to do the Doctor HAS to do #And then he hates himself for it #So in TGWW the Doctor knows that there cannot be two Amys on the TARDIS #So he tricks her - he manipulates her into getting here to bring young!Amy back #And then he has to be the one to close the door on her #He doesn't make Rory do it because he knows how it will ruin him #He closes the door himself and he still has to hear Rory say 'you're turning me into you' which is the Doctor's biggest fear #That his companions will end up like him - cold lonely distant hating themselves - hating HIM #So he says he's sorry (he's sorry he's so sorry) and he effectively kills older!Amy #And the list of why the Doctor hates himself just grows longer and longer #Eleven's levels of self-hatred make my whole soul hurt #ugh my fucking heart #WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY #meta

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