It was necessary, the Doctor tells herself, tricking John into the TARDIS and sending him home by himself.
Really, she’s one of the most phenomenally intelligent creatures in the universe, and she should’ve expected the outcome of that plan. It surprises her anyway, John materializing in the midst of a division of Daleks. He’s a glowing god in human form, pulsing with vortex energy, burning from the inside out even as he saves her life and saves the Earth, too.
And when John is done with destruction and resurrection, when he finally turns his gaze to the Doctor, the shimmering swirl of the vortex in his eyes fades away, and they’re his normal, beautiful brown. He’s himself. Her John (is he? She doesn’t dare to hope, to presume, but oh if he were).
He can see everything, he says – all of time, and the Doctor realizes that he understands what it’s like, being inside of her head. Timelines and possible futures and everything else, running from the beginning of to the very end of the universe.
But it’s burning him alive.
It’s burning her, too – watching him go, seeing the pain on his face, the way his long fingers dig at his own wild hair, yank at it when the pain begins to verge on agony. The way he folds and bends and whimpers, “My head!”
Her foolish, fragile, wonderful John.
- me: (though tbh i'm more like a kitty cat buuuuut for the purposes of this analogy)
- Emma: Oh so you're most likely to hang around the person who dislikes you the most?
- Me: ... NO. I just curl up next to people and purr (literally, I have been known to purr) and need small bouts of attention. like, when i'd be with my roomies, we'd all be working or whatever
- Emma: haha I can totally picture that, in a non-creepy way
- me: and then every half an hour, like clockwork, i'd get bored and climb into shirley's bed and bother her and purr and demand attention for like ten minutes
- me: and then i'd be like BYE SUCKAS
- Emma: nili it's almost scary how legit I can picture your mannerisms
- me: hahahah THAT'S MEEE
- Emma: like I feel meeting you wouldn't surprise me in the slightest
- Emma: like you will be exactly who I expect you to be
- Emma: you would be a terrible online predator
- me: HAHAHAHAH
- Emma: because you're just so NILI